Arundhati Roy wrote a series of essays titled Azadi meaning Freedom. My father always said, there is no greater gift in life but freedom. The hippies wanted freedom. Mahatma fought for freedom. I only live for my freedom. In order to achieve complete political freedom, the individuals in any state must have the right to be. America seemed to be that place. At the age of 34, when my peers were settling in, I decided to uproot myself and moved to New York; to live and pursue a life of freedom. Unfortunately, in some progressive circles in this country, the Nietzschean saying, be careful of fighting the monster, lest you become one, seems to be coming true.
Modern women are shamed by other women for being in love, for submitting to a man. It is as if they’ve let down the rest of the lot. Women are expected to share everything with the rest of the tribe. Women are forced to declare their relationships, their sexual lives and their secret fantasies. Most importantly, they are also expected to be fair and just. In love ? Falling in love has become an occupation. What was once a scared and secret place for many to escape into, now is a public and communal service. In order to excel in it, women have to follow the rules set down by other women.
Moreover, it was the responsibility of progressive women to protect the rights of a woman to love. Not simply to marry, not to find a partner of your own choice but to-love. A person’s right to love is quite different from their right to marry or have sex freely. I could be in love with someone who is married to another, and I have been a few times. That right, is always protected. My right to not tell anyone about those feelings is also protected. Nobody can take that away from me. Modern relationships are complicated and we do not live in villages where marriages are owed to the tribe. Our right to love freely is a threat facing all relationships, nevertheless will have to be protected.
Hence, modern women, not only have to fight men but also women who coerce and force them to give up that right. Love is a basic human right. To fight for that right, to protect that right is also our fight. Growing up, the matriarchs of my family pressured younger women to give up men who were sexually potent or posed a threat to the stability of the tribe. Afraid of losing the young girl to the man, they would unleash cruelty of the worst kind onto these younger girls. Mozart’s Queen of the Night, fits the description. The weaker girls surrendered, whilst some brave souls, fought and eloped. (I fall in the latter category and eloped with myself. Having, left Pakistan for higher education at the age of 22).
Perhaps modern women have yet to see and believe that tribalism is the death of all individual freedom. Love threatens the tribe. Love is another manifestation of freedom. To love someone means to give up your freedom for that person, with your own choice. To love someone means, leaving the tribe and walking away. It is now the way of the future. Just like the luddites of nineteenth century, the oppressive women of our times will not be able to keep up their fight.
The only way forward is for modern women to embrace their freedom. Their absolute right to love and just love.
