Often, women are taught to be shy about being upfront with men they love. They use catty, mean, and indirect ways to undermine or test a man. In this process, they only make themselves more vulnerable to mistreatment. We have to ask hard questions of men whom we love and want to be with. Why wait for something negative to be revealed much later in your life?
I asked Ezra to marry me a few months after I met him. Then I continued to ask him questions about his character. For instance, is he a womanizer? Will he take advantage of young girls? Or will he cause problems for me if I wish to follow my faith? Often, my tone is very firm, and he does not like it. But I persist in finding out the answers and do not rest until I have my answers. I am fortunate that Ezra is a decent and kind man. Romantic relationships are transactional. We have to make it worth our while to stay. My mother would never shy away from asking blunt questions of any man- and when Ezra met my mother, she did not shy away from asking him about anything !! Phew
On a lighter side, it could be an eastern attitude, to be upfront and clear with men and not seem detached and unbothered by them. My American godmother, Mrs. Wilson, finds it endearing, but in reality, when I explain to her how I lay out my demands to Ezra and question him, she finds it appalling. We have fought over this, and I find her cruel and mean when that happens, but this is a clash of cultures and civilizations. My Pakistani mother and sisters do not understand why I don’t question him enough- my American godmother doesn’t understand why I question him at all.
In any case, our romantic relationships reveal our deepest fears and desires to us. Mine have not only been shown to me but to the entire New York City. Hence, there is no shame in declaring that Ezra is perhaps the only person who elicits all that I can give to a man, good or bad. I cannot help but be my most natural and real self. I miss him the most, but also feel relieved when he is not around, since the passion I feel can be so overwhelming. I trust him more than I trust myself, and yet I find him menacing because of the heat that exists between us.
Perhaps that’s why I love this song Sunday ke Sunday- meaning, Every Sunday, from an old Bollywood film called Shahnai (1947). It was released on the day of India’s independence from Britain. In the song, a white man is expressing his love for an Indian woman, he is asking her to come for romantic walks every Sunday, promising her brandy and whiskey. One could hear the various English words peppered here and there. She responds disdainfully by saying that he is flaky and superficial, and her brother will come and teach him a lesson. However, a white woman enters the song, she is ready for him, no questions asked. Furthermore, he should not forget that the Indian woman is uneducated and unsophisticated. Unsurprisingly, I align with the Indian woman. Mrs.Wilson loves this song, and in our lighter discussions on Ezra, she would often relate me to the woman in this song.
Right Right Right- All Right